strong start-half way-strong finish

...so, I have a confession to make...(besides the fact that it's been forever since I've blogged, I know, I'm sorry, I'm journalling and I promise to fill all the gaps from the last couple of weeks in at another time...promise!) but really my confession is: there are days (like today) when I haven't got a darn clue what it is I'm doing (in terms or leading) and you know what...(thanks to the encouragement of other leaders here) IT IS OK! I don't have to have it all figured out...I don't have to be the perfect leader because you know what...God's Sovereignty RULES over my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. God is not looking for our perfection (only He is perfect) I believe He looks for us to be persistent in our pursuit of Him. WHEW...I feel better now that that's out! :) Today is the half-way point of our program with these girls...I find it no coincidence that God chose today to teach me this lesson...His timing: Perfecto! One of the greatest battles I have faced on this trip has been insecurities and feelings of inadequacy when it comes to leading...if you would've told me that would be what I'd face I would of laughed and said..."no way!" I'm confident as a leader...I know how to do this...I've battled insecurity before and won...I've got this! WRONG! Never fail to remember that the enemy is REAL! his roar is paralyzing...he has a mission to carry out...and he knows your (my) weaknesses. He can find he tiniest crack in your faith and turn it into a crack the size that an earthquake can make...be alert! Be aware of his tactics...STAND on Scripture and never think you've arrived...that my friends is dangerous ground to walk on. Being the half-way point I wanted to blog about my team. I've learned and have grown SO much from living in this community. My life has been shaped in ways I never dreamed. I have been challenged, encouraged and inspired as I watch these girls wrestle out what God is doing in their hearts. We have been having individual evaluations all week and it's been great to hear where they're at and what God is showing them. I'm humbled to be here. Tonight we had a team time to share what's on their hearts...(they were super excited when they saw the nutella and animal crackers waiting for them in my "home"...my room-I got to host everyone-turns out I'm not the only nutella addict!) my heart was smiling so big the more everyone was sharing...it's taken 4 weeks to get to this point...and I'm so excited to see what the next 4 hold. God is working! Pray with us...one resounding theme tonight was that many of us feel like God has us in a place of decisions to make...learning to be still and listen doesn't come naturally but we are all being challenged to do so. Life here is full. It's busy-maybe even busier than at home! It's challenging and rewarding. It's down right exhausting at times but at the end of the day, my heart is full...my joy is complete and I have complete assurance that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. Not saying there aren't days when my feet get a little shaky walking on the water...but it's then that He gently reminds me (like today) that it was HE Who called me to get out of the boat and walk toward Him...and when I don't FIX my eyes into His face, it's then that all I see is the waves and wind. Just like I'm sure it was for Peter to walk on the water, this walk of faith has been exhilarating and full of adventure...my adrenaline is constantly on go! BUT- it is a daily walk of faith. Can't just walk one step and be done...gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other to walk WITH Jesus. I don't know about you but I long to be out of the boat on the water where He is! I'm so grateful for this team and this opportunity to have my walk of faith challenged and shaped. This team ia a blessing and we are looking forward to a strong finish! To sum up where my heart is I'm gonna borrow the words of a book I'm reading, my heart is "forever ruined for any other lifestyle"...I don't have this all figured out and I'm ok with that...I'm ok with my weaknesses being exposed, I'm ok with saying...I really don't know, let's figure it out together...I'm ok with having weaknesses that force me to my knees daily and give me an offering of worship to bring to my Lord...I'm ok because in all of this, I've found a life (of faith) that has "forever ruined me from any other lifestyle."