ready

READY~Lindsay McCaul
Broken, I come broken
Eyes closed, Heart wide open
I'm ready to get back to where we used to be
I lift up my face
Pleading for grace
and you are..

Chorus
Ready, to answer every time I call
You are waiting to catch the pieces as they fall
You've seen every tear
You're standing by to draw me near
I am finally down on my knees
And you are ready

You never asked me for perfection
I'd never make it if I tried
But I kept searching for the chance to clear my blame
For my foolish pride
With you waiting all the while
And you are...(Chorus)


~I've pretty much had this song on repeat since I've been here.

I came on this trip with 2 words--{great anticipation}.

No expectations.

No real plan.

Just {ready} for whatever God had waiting for me.

Have you ever hit a dry season in your journey? A time where you had allowed yourself to become so drained that you had nothing left to give?? That's exactly where I found my thirsty heart prior to this trip. If I'm being honest--I was spent...I'd become lazy in my time with Christ...and I had allowed the cares of this life to weigh me down.

I relate to the words of this song so much...broken--I come broken, eyes closed heart WIDE OPEN. It has been great to get away from life as I know it...in times of solitude {here} there's no place to go--and I have been "forced" to deal with the state of my heart. I realized I had been ignoring the nudgings of The Lord to deal with issues in my heart that were not pleasing to Him. I've found grace and redemption in repentance. {I'm READY to get back to where we used to be} My time with The Lord has been so sweet. Sometimes I think I lose sight and feeling of what grace and forgiveness looks and feels like. It's a sweet spot to be in. God has been speaking so much to me on this journey and I realize that's no different than time in the states--its just that I've slowed down to actually listen. I like the part of the song that says--

You never asked me for perfection
I'd never make it if I tried
But I kept searching for the chance to clear my blame
For my foolish pride
With you waiting all the while

Those words sink deep--and I find myself in a state of repentance again--to think that I have the power to change myself...I admit I am a perfectionist...and God has been revealing to me that I have been trying to be a perfectionist at my walk with Him--that task is impossible. My load has felt so much lighter as I am learning that the mask of perfectionism has to come off...there is only ONE Who is Perfect--and it is ONLY IN HIM--that I am complete.

So--not to be self centered but so far this trip has been one of solitude...self reflection and repentance...and sweet fellowship with my Savior. Sweetly broken--wholly surrendered.

I'm ready for whatever He has next!

PEOPLE-

I love the people here---both Peruvians and North Americans.

My Peruvian friends feel like family--I know it's culture here and also how they are training the children---but I cannot get enough of the way they greet each other, including me. It seriously makes you feel like a million bucks. It has been convicting to me--do I let those that I love feel the same way {these precious people} make me feel MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY!?! It's something I want to remember and not go back to being the same--it's so simple how the way we greet each other can make {or break} someone of feeling valued. The simple daily greetings have filled my cup up!

I'm so grateful to have this opportunity to live here in their community, to be accepted as family, to see all the progress that God has allowed to go on here...it's seriously unbelievable to look back and to see how far God has brought this place and to see the redemption of lives that is taking place...incredible!

Meal times are probably my favorite time of the day--it's community. It's praying together, sharing a meal, hearing lots of laughter--it's great times of joy. Real JOY. {oh and real good food too!}

I find myself just observing the children through out the time I am with them--if it's true {which it is} that we are to come to the Father as a child--I've got a lot of learning to do. As I was watching them play--I was caught up and lost in the uninhibited downright craziness of fun they were having! No being serious--no wondering about insecurities or if they were being judged by others--just pure squeals of delight in enjoying one another and their time together. Not a care in the world--especially one of the lil guys who was running so fast on the playground equipment he completely forgot to see the drop off and ran right off it face first into the sand! Oops-a-daisy!!! Didn't even phase him, he just got up and laughed and then ran off again! It was priceless. Oh I want to learn to be like a child again--I challenge us all, next time you're in the presence of a child--take time to LEARN. Learn about yourself, learn about the Father and don't leave that time the same person you were when you entered it. I LOVE these kiddos and am learning so much from them!

There is a group of us North Americans here {7} who are diving into the Word together 3 times a week. {Jim and TKay, David M., Ayla, Tony and Katie Hernandez and myself.} God has also brought 2 other couples {Corey and Rachel / Woody and Sylvia} this past week and I am loving these opportunities to connect with new brothers and sisters in Christ and learn from them as well as growing together with life long friends. Our community time has been precious filled with worship and challenging studies. I am learning so much from these precious people. Lesson learned--let God use the people in your life to teach you more about HIM and His word. I'm getting a front row seat of believers that LIVE OUT His words...it's truly inspiring!

SERVING--

I came to serve. And I am loving it! Whether that looks like making a menu, a grocery list or a meal, or walking to the market to get fruits and vegetables to picking up a paint brush, or a broom or even a screw driver--my little taste of heaven on earth yesterday was getting up to fix all the little chicas hair for their city parade...I'm grateful that I get to help in whatever capacity that looks like. TKay has made me my own little list and it's been fun to get to be creative and help her out. Serving others definitely brings joy. I've learned that when you just say "whatever You want, Lord" He lets you do what you love. I mean come on now...I'm getting to love and serve through cooking {one of my favorite things in the world} and also through being creative {who God has made me to be} I'm overwhelmed by HIS GOODNESS.

ENCOURAGEMENT--

I will close this post with encouragement I have received from Scripture--His word is ALIVE!

Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. (Psalms 16:5 NLT)

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears. You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. God’s way is perfect. All the Lord ’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect. (Psalms 18:6, 28, 30, 32 NLT)

The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living. (Psalms 19:8 NLT)


How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalms 19:12-14 NLT)

Show your strength, God, so no one can miss it. We are out singing the good news! (Psalm 21:13 MSG)

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. (Isaiah 30:15 NIV)

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
—Psalm 62:5

That's exactly what Jesus did. He didn't make it easy for himself by avoiding people's troubles, but waded right in and helped out. "I took on the troubles of the troubled," is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it's written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all. Then we'll be a choir—not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus! (Romans 15:3-6 MSG)

{KEEPING ALERT FOR WHATEVER HE WILL DO NEXT!}

Sweetly broken--wholly surrendered {thank you Rachel Hunka for sharing that with me!}
Amy

Don't LOOK BACK!

Front Page of the KC Star this morning-the story of my pastor and his resignation. Although I already knew-I guess reality had hit and I'm just not ready to let go. Through my tears I began to get ready for church, wondering in my heart and mind what our 1st Sunday would look like without him being up front. How would this affect our church body? What's next? How do we move forward in all of this? Questions bombarded my thoughts. As I was driving to church I heard God speak very loudly and clearly-DON'T LOOK BACK!

You see when I start reflecting on how God has used this man, Joey Butler, my pastor to spur me on to all God has for my life I break. I have had many wonderful leaders in my life. Many men and women of God who have had an integral part of my journey with Christ and have helped me take significant steps in my walk...coming to Gateway Church 5 years ago was life changing for me. I was taught how to find my identity in Scripture, I was empowered to discover and do what God has made me to be, I was given incredible opportunity and I have grown greatly under Joey's leadership. I've never had a pastor so unique as Joey-I appreciate so much his out of the box thinking, teaching and living. In light of the changes taking place-I get very overwhelmed and selfishly sad as I look back...I grieve, I cry...I'm not ready to let go. And I hear God say again-DON'T LOOK BACK!

When I look forward and see the beauty of the news-I rejoice for my pastor and his family-God is giving them time to have together...looking even further ahead and trying to view things in light of eternity I rejoice that Joey will be one day {as we all will be} in the very presence of Christ. I'm reminded that it doesn't get any better than that and that is truly what our lives here on earth are about...right? When I step outside of my human thinking into His eternal thinking I truly rejoice...and I have to admit I'm a bit jealous.

The message at church today was timely-moving as the Spirit leads-not stopping when we are stirred. Part of the message led to Philippians 3 and there it was again-DON'T LOOK BACK!


I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. (Philippians 3:12-14 NLT)


I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it. (Philippians 3:12-16 MSG)

God has done great things through my pastor and I have no doubt that He will continue to do so and if anything, Joey has inspired and motivated me to keep pressing on, never settle for less than total commitment to Christ...no matter what obstacles come.

Life is short and I for too long have been looking back...when the BEST {eternity with Christ} is yet to come. Someone said once that in light of eternity our life on earth is merely 7 seconds long. SEVEN SECONDS. Today God has challenged me to take ALL the lessons I have been taught by so many great leaders-especially Joey Butler-and make sure that I'm not just looking back "reminiscing" about them but truly to LIVE THEM OUT LOUD!

So for me "I'm off and running-and I'm not looking back!" {and I'm so incredibly grateful for my pastor who has literally shown me through his life what that looks like!}

Lessons learned - in Jamaica

If there is one lesson I learned on my recent trip to Harmons, Jamaica it was this: STAND on the promises of God. It was a lesson that came at the end of the week for me.

We had an incredible week serving with WonbyOne and spending time with our Jamaican friends. It was a trip that I saw friendships deepen, lives challenged and blessings abound. And as I learned once again {in a missions perspectives class last night} going and serving in mission work is not for us but for God to receive greater glory...He doesn't need us, yet He allows us to have a part in what He is doing in the world, A job that He could do without our help but yet He let's us have a part because He desires glory and He desires fellowship with us. There was definitely fellowship with Him and I pray He received all the glory.

Even in the midst of an incredible week, one that I continued to hear Gods voice, sometimes right in the minute I needed a word, I still struggled. I once vowed that I'd never be the older single girl that always was talking abut my singleness...but that was the battle this week, the struggle, the tug of war if you will between my head and my heart, the spirit and the flesh were at war..all week...and it never let up. I didn't go on this trip prepared for this...I've been doing really good about this subject but I guess when you're asked {no joke} up to 10x per day..."you have kids? {no} why not? {no husband} you're not married? {no} why? {haven't met the right one yet...I'm waiting on God} and the best was {no joke} you're the oldest white girl I've met who isn't married {really?} mentally exhausted all I could do was be transparent and the encouragement I received from my team was priceless. A word fitly spoken in due season. God used my team greatly and I saw great victory.

Friday, our last day in Harmons, I was sitting outside having some quiet time and my friend Sarah came over and put a piece of paper in front of me. It was torn from a devotional book and it was about Matthew 7:7-11, ask/seek/knock. It was talking about how God has far greater purpose in our prayers than just asking and receiving. He wants Us to learn more about Who He is. He wants us to draw others into our petitions so that when the answer finally comes its turned into a testimony of the glory and goodness of God. "Don't just ask, seek and knock; keep asking, seeking and knocking. Such times of persistence lead to a greater more memorable experiences of His goodness."

I was greatly encouraged by this note and my heart was lifted from the battle I'd been in all week...and that wasn't all. The ending verses were Matthew 7:7-11 and what hit me the hardest was the verse 11, you see that was a PROMISE God had given to me when I was a senior in high school. 17 years ago. A promise that one day God would give me a husband and fulfill the desire to be married. A promise I'd lost sight of.

So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. (Matthew 7:11 NLT)

What happened next was really cool. We'd been receiving encouragement cards all week from friends and family back home. I opened next one of the cards from a dear friend. Her words were so comforting. The end of her card included words from an old hymn "standing on the promises of Christ my King". And then she said something I will never forget..."my prayer is that you'd stand the promises of God this week."

I can't explain the embrace I felt in that moment from God. Did she know that the very thing I'd struggle with all week would be something that 17 years ago God had already given me a promise too? No! But God did! Did she know that a friend on the trip would tear out a page of a devotional to encourage me with? No! But God did! I can't explain it...all I know is I learned a very valuable lesson. STAND. EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T HOLD THE ANSWER. you never quit believing the promises of God. The word in that verse that holds my promise is "WILL"...it's His word. He is Faithful to His word. Just because its been 17 years with several heart breaks and no end in sight doesn't mean I give up. Another passage of scripture I continually hold to is

All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. (Hebrews 11:13-16 NLT)

The part that has always stuck out to me is that THEY DIED IN THEIR FAITH, THEY NEVER physically held the promise BUT that didn't mean they quit believing. I believe they could do this only because they saw with eyes of faith, what was waiting for them at the end, the prize...JESUS. They knew life on earth wasn't ALL there is!

I was reminded again this week that Jesus MUST BE ENOUGH. I know the "dying in faith not receiving" is hard to wrap our human brains around, but I ask myself...is it really going to matter in the end if I was married or not? No. What will matter is will I believe the One WHO IS ABLE with all my heart, EVEN IF I never receive? I by no means have this faith thing mastered. I'm human, even now as I type this sitting in a home by myself lonely night after night after night wishing there would be someone here at home just to share my day with or just someone to share a meal with, I'm reminded of my frailty and how desperately I need my faith to be increased. And in His still sweet way , He speaks through a song playing the back ground..."You're always enough for me." That truth sinks deep, and I believe with all my heart that once more, He truly is enough. He's enough for a heart that is lonely, a heart that wants to give up at times on a promise it was given 17 years ago, a heart that is scared and let's fear have more control more than I'd admit...He's enough. I always go back to a prayer I prayed on my knees in 1999 at a church service that said "Lord, if its just me and You the rest of my life, I'm ok with that." And deep down in my heart, I am ok, all is well when I choose to look at my life with eyes of eternity. It's when I look at life through temporal eyes that fear takes control.

So today I CHOOSE to stand on the promises God has made, I CHOOSE to learn more of Who He is in the waiting, I CHOOSE to let others see the rawness and realness of my heart and to let God use my story to draw others in to know Him, I CHOOSE to continue to ASK, SEEK AND KNOCK. I choose to believe and know that He is ENOUGH.

Standing.