...you belong to me!

I'm not quite sure why, but it is always in the bathroom that I feel especially near to God. Weird, I know...but true! That time in the morning is God and I time. He speaks so clearly to me....I find myself still in His presence there...no distractions. Some of my greatest life lessons are those mornings in the bathroom!

Thursday morning I had a great morning...great time in the Word, had victory over my lazy flesh that wanted to sleep in...it was awesome! I was in the groove! So, I turned on my music full blast...and I decided to open my door....let the roommates enjoy the music too! Well, my one roommate who is engaged was standing there hugging her fiancee' (who had stopped by to put oil in her car, how sweet...). K, so instantly, my "air was let out of my balloon". I hate it that I have these stupid girlee emotions at times. My heart instantly got sad. My happiness diminished...my thoughts turned from my Jesus to my loneliness...that quickly. I know, pathetic, but this is what happened!

I went back in my room and shut my door...my heart was heavy...my thoughts were..."this sucks, I'm never gonna have someone to hug/hold me...blah, blah, blah!" It was then that I caught the words of the song that was BLARING through my speakers....

sweetest words I had heard all morning....

"I WILL HOLD YOU CAUSE YOU BELONG TO ME, YOU'RE NEVER ALONE 'CAUSE I'LL BE WITH YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY, YOU'RE NEVER ALONE!"

Wow, did I really just hear that? It was like God Himself was singing to me, in my room, kinda like I had my own private concert! The loneliness and sadness turned once again to joy and satisfaction.

I heard it said to me this week that "Whatever you look at is what you will reflect." If you're looking at Jesus, you'll reflect Him! It was as if Christ Himself reached down and put the mirror of myself down and put His hands on my chin and tilted my head back up to look into His precious face. He was saying to me, quit looking at others, quit looking at yourself....LOOK AT ME! I'm here, and I am the One that can fill this void...if you just let me!

I did....it was awesome!

So then, this morning...I was reading a book about Loneliness and one of the sentences stuck out to me that said... Loneliness is the malnutrition of the soul that comes from living on substitutes. WOW! Totally explains those periods of loneliness in my life. I'm tired of "living on substitutes"...I know Who the Real Deal is...I know where to find my complete satisfaction...and I choose the Real over the substitute. Another Awesome lesson!

Here's the rest of the words of that song...that is still ministering to my heart!

Never Alone

by

Mercy Me

It's been one of those days

When everything just feels so far away

Hope don't be a stranger

Won't you help me make it through today?

Then a voice comes calling out to me

You're never alone cause I am with you

And I will always be

I will hold you cause you belong to me

You're never alone cause I'll be with you

For all eternity

Someone tell me how I

Stumble into doubting all the time

Some days I'm all together

And other days I stand here asking why

Then a voice comes calling out to me

You're never alone cause I am with you

And I will always be

I will hold you cause you belong to me

You're never alone cause I'll be with you

For all eternity

Then a voice comes calling out to me

You're never alone cause I am with you

And I will always be

I will hold you cause you belong to me

You're never alone cause I'll be with you

For all eternity

Lord, HELP!

Sunday Night as I was driving home...I found myself lost in prayer...literally. I had so much on my heart that I was trying to get out to God...trying to come up with just the right words so He would know my heart...so He could fix it all and make a way in every situation. I was becoming EXHAUSTED in my praying! I finally stopped and just blurted out...LORD, HELP! His peace instantly came over me...it was as if He was saying..."Finally...that's what I've been waiting for!" It hit me how I was trying to take over His Spirit's role in my life...He already knew all about my circumstances big and small...He already had it figured out...He has already made a way! Wow, how comforting! What I pictured in my mind is a small child trying and trying and trying to tie his own shoe...not getting it done...frustrated...and finally that child asks an adult to help him out...and the adult says..."that's what I've been waiting for!" My lesson I learned that night is that God desires to help me...sure He will let me struggle and try to figure it out on my own...but there is a peace and freedom that comes with SURRENDER! I don't have it all figured out...but I do know that in that moment...My God, MY FATHER bent His ear to listen to me, His child cry out for help...and He did!

Jamaica...

k, so I'm not really sure that many read this, but to those of you who do...I have alot to unload! It has been too long since I have poured my heart out...and there is plenty to pour. My cup has run over and is spilling all over the floor...and continues to grow.





So, My trip to Jamaica was another fulfilling week! Rewarding is the best word I have right now to describe it. It was rewarding to be a part of something bigger than self. To see God's activity in the lives of others and in my own life was huge. To be able to go and serve with a group of Brothers and Sisters in Christ and to see His Spirit moving in their lives was huge! God is so good!





There is way too much to put on here about the whole trip...if you haven't already, you should really check out our blog from the beginning... http://www.teamjamaica09.blogspot.com/ all the stories are there...and there are many more.





How I saw God in my life...my MOST MEMORABLE moment was the day we went to the infirmary, Wednesday. A home for all ages of people with disabilities...and let's just say, it is not anything that one can really describe, it's just something you must see for yourself. I saw and felt God there that day...He is real to me...but I especially felt His presence that day.





Not many may understand what I am about to say...but this is the best I can describe that day...As a single person you long for that companionship in your life, you long for someone to "get you"...to hold you when you need to be held, to hug you and never let go...to hold your hand as if there is no one elses hand to hold...and as one waits for God to bring that person into his/her life...the waiting gets harder and harder especially in a world of instant gratification...as a single person who has chosen to let God pick my man...it gets hard to wait and I desire to have that person...well, that day at the infirmary...God was that for me. He showed me so much about how He longs to fill EVERY desire I have, big or little...He wants me to turn to Him to fill those voids, and that day, He did!





My friend Garfield, the one in the picture with me, got so excited when he saw me. He was a man that I had met last year when I went and I loved just sitting on the sidewalk with him, reading Scripture and just sitting in Jesus' presence with him. This friend cannot talk at all, but let me tell ya, he can smile like no other...he loves Scripture...and somehow, he remembered me, that or he was just really excited that we were all there. I found him in the same place I had left him last year. And he got so excited. He nearly pulls you to the ground and then he took that one arm and just wrapped it around me, almost in a headlock...and there was no letting go! I felt God hugging me through him...pulling me close, saying..."stay here by My side, I will never let you go...you belong to Me!" WOW! I sat there with Garfield for a while...then made my way out of his headlock grip to the back of the infirmary where I found another man laying in his bed, all alone, weak, wasn't even sitting up, no pillow, no sheets just him on the mattress and so I sat down next to him. He immediately grabbed my hand and he would not let it go, he held my hand with both of his and just kept rubbing my fingers with his...again, God's presence...there, holding my hand through this dear man...I was overwhelmed. I began crying and kept repeating the words "You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed....help me know You are near." God showed me that day that He will give me the desires of my heart with an earthly husband, but He wants to be first in what I need...He wants to give it to me first...so that I know that I can be satisfied with Him alone and that I won't place expectations on any man to fill my heart in the way that only God can. It was an incredible experience!



I learned so much on this journey and as God continues to bring things to my mind, I will continue to post...the processing takes a while.
Above all...I got a front row seat of watching God's activity in 28 peoples lives...how cool is that!

...Because of his grace, he declared us righteous...

Titus 3:4-8

But- "When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying, and I want you to insist on these teachings so that all who trust in God will devote themselves to doing good. These teachings are good and beneficial for everyone.

I have been DECLARED righteous! Wow, that is an amazing thought. I have been saved by His mercy and grace and I have been washed clean...my sins are gone! I have been given the Spirit of God so I can walk through this life and know the way I am supposed to go...I have confidence that I have inherited eternal life... I can trust Him! This morning my reading has struck me how simple this Christian walk is. I have been taught these things all my life...I could recite them back to someone at a very young age...it's so simple. And to think that God has declared me righteous...that is amazing....and empowering. Today I choose to walk in that I am forgiven, I am declared righteous...and I know where I am going...and I know Who is waiting there for me...and I TRUST HIM!

GOD I PRAISE YOU!!!

This post is a long time coming...and I praise Him in the struggle and I praise Him in the victory...He is Good!

God is doing so much around me....and yet when I stop and think about that...He is always at work...question is...am I stopping long enough to see what He is doing...all around me? Here lately I am seeing His hand in so much! God YOU ARE TO BE PRAISED!

First off...today...I spent some time in prayer with one of my best friends and literally in less than an hour she was texting me that God had completely answered our prayers....THANKS GOD!!! WE LIFT YOU UP AN PRAISE YOU!!!

Then tonight I was talking to a girl that is going on the Jamaica trip and she was sharing praise after praise after praise of what God is doing in her life and in the lives of others around her because of this trip....God is touching many lives even those not going....again...WE PRAISE YOU GOD...YOU ALONE GET ALL THE GLORY!

This past week I was talking to a lady at work sharing with her that I was struggling with trusting God with the rest of the money I needed for my trip and for a bill that needs to be paid...and I left work Friday asking God to show His ALMIGHTY power in the midst of my circumstances...Joey my pastor continually is telling us that Christ has the power to redeem anything....and I was specifically asking God to redeem this situation in my life....I was trying to see this situation through His lenses not my own...and then it hit me....God was allowing the struggle in my life to show her Who He is! WOW! My prayer quickly changed from Lord...HELP...to God, if you want me to struggle so that she can see you....then let me struggle! I believed in my heart that He was going to let me go back to work on Monday and tell her of His provision....guess what??? HE DID!!!

Sunday at church several things happened....a member at church gave me some money for my trip....I was told after church that someone else had dropped off a check at the church office for my trip...and there was left over....my brother gave me a huge donation....God had it ALL COVERED! And....you know it...the first thing I did when I got to work today...I went and told my friend of what God had done!!!

my prayer now is that she sees Him...The Almighty God as being my Provider! God I praise YOU!!!

trust

...so, I learned a very valuable lesson on trust this week. Tuesday was a pretty overwhelming day...it started off really good but started going downhill on my way to work when I realized that my phone was shut off cause I didn't pay the bill...basically because I didn't have the money...business has been slow...money tight...I have been trusting God day to day. Don't get me wrong, I love it...it's not fun...but it is in these times that I feel closest to God depending on Him for EVERYTHING! It was a minute by minute battle..."yes, God, I trust You...BUT...what about this bill...what about that?....then the rollercoaster...Yes, I trust You...BUT...over and over in my mind as I am trying to work on my customer's hair. I was getting exhausted just trying to keep up with my own thoughts, let alone the conversations I was trying to have with customers, pretending like I was ok when inside I was about to burst into tears! Then, a lady stopped me, she is one of the other girls customers...I had said hi to her earlier but didn't really engage in a conversation with her. She told me she wanted to give me some money for my trip to Jamaica. {Now, mind you...one of the things I had been thinking about was how I had to use my $120 that I had saved for my work rent while gone on my trip...I had to use it to pay last weeks rent at work...and through that God had shown me that it was still provision, whether for the time to come when I would be off...or now...it was His provision and i needed to adjust my focus to that!} So, this lady pulled a $20 bill out of her wallet and handed it to me and I just burst into tears with my customer sitting in my chair...I was overwhelmed. God was standing right there saying to me...."Are you going to trust me? I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU EVEN IF IT IS $20 AT A TIME! WILL YOU JUST TRUST ME!?" Yes, LORD I will trust YOU! I think of Proverbs 3:5-6 I am commanded to trust in Him with ALL my heart and not lean on my understanding....I know that He can be trusted and I know that He will provide ALL MY NEED! His way, not mine!