Thursday, June 30, 2016

I will not forget you. {adoption journey update}

Where to begin. It's been 18 months since I started the adoption journey. I know in the "adoption world" that is technically NOT a long time, I know personally many people who have had a much longer wait.

In a lot of ways, it has felt a lot longer than 18 months. It has been and continues to be a roller coaster. As much as I love adventure, roller coasters aren't my fav.

However, today my heart is settled and can be grateful for the last 18 months. I can't say I have had that attitude the entire journey, tomorrow very well could be a different story, but grateful is where my heart has landed today. This has been by far the MOST shaping journey of my life. It has had some pretty incredible highs and the lowest of lows I have ever experienced, and I am grateful. So grateful.

When the wait seems never ending and emotionally exhausting it is so easy to believe the lie that God must of forgotten about me. I'll be honest, I have bought that {LIE} many times.

This morning as I was up early doing stuff in the kitchen, I found myself asking God "could you please show me, today, in some tangible way that You have not forgotten me on my journey."

I needed to hear Him, to feel Him and to somehow know in a tangible way that He still has my story moving forward when all signs seem like its at a stand still.

I have a friend that sends out texts of Scripture pretty much EVERY DAY. I had been at work for over 30 minutes when the Scripture of the day came through on my phone. *I haven't talked to this friend in a while, he had no clue about my prayer that morning or where I was at in my adoption journey.

When the Scripture came through, I was alone in the salon.

The tears started falling down my face as I read these Words ---

Isaiah 49:15-16

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.


I sat there and wept.

I found Isaiah 49 on my Bible App and had to read more...

Isaiah 49:17-23
Soon your descendants will come back, and all who are trying to destroy you will go away. Look around you and see, for all your children will come back to you. As surely as I live,” says the Lord, “they will be like jewels or bridal ornaments for you to display. “Even the most desolate parts of your abandoned land will soon be crowded with your people. Your enemies who enslaved you will be far away. The generations born in exile will return and say, ‘We need more room! It’s crowded here!’ Then you will think to yourself, ‘Who has given me all these descendants? For most of my children were killed, and the rest were carried away into exile. I was left here all alone. Where did all these people come from? Who bore these children? Who raised them for me?’” This is what the Sovereign Lord says: “See, I will give a signal to the godless nations. They will carry your little sons back to you in their arms; they will bring your daughters on their shoulders. Kings and queens will serve you and care for all your needs. They will bow to the earth before you and lick the dust from your feet. Then you will know that I am the Lord. Those who trust in me will never be put to shame.

In the NIV version the last verse says --
Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who {HOPE} in me will not be disappointed.

*emphasis mine

There's that word again {HOPE}.

I can't make this up.

I was a train wreck when my client walked through the door.

I asked for Him to show me in a tangible way that He hadn't forgotten me.

He answered through His Word. Through a friend acting on a prompting and sending a Scripture out in a mass text.

He heard my cry. He graciously answered.

He has not forgotten me.

I know I am not alone in thinking/feeling that the Lord has forgotten...{fill in the blank}. If we are honest, we have all been there.

The ONLY anchor I have to hold on to is HIM and His word. And every day when those doubts of Who He is and what He has asked of me come -- I have to CHOOSE to land on TRUTH. {Honestly -- I have failed more at this than I have succeeded, ask those who know me best.} BUT, TODAY, I choose to ANCHOR my heart in that He has NOT forgotten me.

He is Sovereign.

He has the perfect baby girl {for me} picked out, she just isn't ready yet!

HE HAS THE FINAL WORD! {Thank you Mandy F. for this reminder that continually goes through my head.}

I know people hesitate but want to ask what's going on -- the few but simple details are, I have my home study updated (they only last a year) and my agency is renewing my contract that expires Aug. 3. Since August 3 last year, I have now had 70 birth mom/baby situations sent to me. Currently I have 2 birth moms viewing my profile. I used to dwell on the number, I don't anymore. God knows what {her} number will be. I am just overly anal and had to have a spreadsheet to keep them all straight. :P

In the midst of it all, my heart chooses to have HOPE tonight, and rest in that I AM NOT FORGOTTEN.

Neither are you. :)