processing...

...I have to admit I have felt a little bit on "auto pilot" since arriving home from Peru...maybe I should've given myself a few more days before diving back into work, but I figured my clients had been so gracious it was time...and although it's been a challenge, I am glad I did get right back into life. I can say I have never felt so incredibly loved and missed by everyone...that feels really good. Even when I don't know exactly how to answer the questions {without brutal honesty that people might not understand} I have so appreciated all the hugs and the "welcome home" {s} and the {we've missed you!}...makes me feel great in the midst of trying to process this all out. Even though I have had several days and even a couple weeks to process this journey...the words to describe it have failed me at times. There is so much to tell. A couple of nights ago I found the booklet a friend of mine had made for me for my trip...it contains Scriptures and challenges and centering thoughts that were so timely while I was in Peru. I hadn't had the chance to finish it and little did I know, she had continued it for a couple days after arriving home...one of the days contained questions that I have found very helpful in processing. So, in trying to sum up this experience {which I am sure is going to take more than one blog post} I thought it would help me to process by answering her questions. 1} How did God challenge you this summer? ~The word {challenge} has been one that I have used frequently to describe my time in Peru. The journey was very challenging and shaping. One of the ways I was greatly challenged was in the area of dying to self. Sure, I have been taught my entire life that "you must die to yourself/ take up your cross/ follow God no matter what"...although I do NOT have this mastered by any means...God definitely challenged me in this area and I have to say I grew a smidge. Whether it was dying to myself in something small like eating rice and beans for the umpteenth time when I would've loved to have one of my favorite meals or spending time listening when I would've rather been having alone time or dying to myself in big areas of putting my desires, my plans, my dreams on the altar and saying continually..."YOUR will be done, not mine"...I was challenged daily for sure to say no to myself and yield to what God wanted for me. I will say, dying to self is painful...but I have found that there can be great joy in the midst of intense pain. How God can do that...I have no clue all I know is I experienced it and I am changed because of this challenge. I was also challenged to NOT tell God {in my heart} what I WILL and WILL NOT do. I'm ashamed to admit that I did that in my heart out of fear, insecurity and pride...but I was humbled once again and found myself in a place of repentance and submission to HIS Lordship and was reminded of the very words that are written on my wrist...{HERE AM I}. Another challenge was something I immediately have implemented on arriving home. I was challenged that my job has become a HUGE idol in my life. I am a workaholic and life is way too short for that. I need to trust that HE IS my Provider and that working less will give me more opportunity to rest, to have time for true fellowship with others {which will keep me from battling loneliness} and it will grow my faith in HIM...so, the work hours have changed and will start the last week of August. 2} How did you see the fulfillment of God's promise in Jer. 29:11 ~For those that know me, you know that Jer.29:11 was the Scripture that God used to start this whole MDP journey for me. Jeremiah 29:11-14 This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it. I think it's safe to say we {the whole gang} experienced the Sovereignty of God in this program...He had it all planned out...from Scripture lining up to what we were dealing with on the very specific day to His timing for ministry to seeing His movement in our lives...every step was PLANNED by Him and it was AMAZING to eye-witness. I truly felt taken care of BY GOD Himself...never once did I feel abandoned...no matter what was going on, His presence was near...tangible at times...and His voice spoke directly into the depths of my heart...I truly experienced Emmanuel, God with us. I can honestly say after this experience...He TRULY knows what He is doing...He can be trusted...because HE IS FAITHFUL! I learned that promise to be truth. 3} Did you learn anything new about your identity or calling? ~YES! Something my pastor challenges us to do is to search the Scriptures and write out a personal identity statement that is based on Truth. 3 years ago I did this and while this was a challenge that we presented to the MDP's, I found myself working on my identity statement more...I don't have it all quite re-written but I KNOW a new part of my identity is that I AM A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST. I can't say I really understood what that meant until this trip. Here I was placed in a place of leadership to "disciple" others and yet I walked away feeling like I had been the one discipled. {love how God does that!} So, I am purposed to study out what it means to be a disciple of Christ and build that into my identity statement. Another piece of Identity that I want to incorporate in my statement is this Scripture: Luke 9:24~If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. I relate to this verse not because I am good at it, but because it challenges me to live this kind of life...daily. I have been asked SO MANY questions on arriving home...some have been GREAT thought provoking questions that have truly helped me to process this journey...others, well...oh, no need to go there. :) Someone asked me a GREAT one yesterday: "What is one thing you miss the most?" the answer just flew out of my mouth...I MISS the living in community with others. Don't get me wrong...I am COMPLETELY SURROUNDED by friends and family that love me and shower me with that love and I am SO GRATEFUL...but my house is too quiet and I can't really say I enjoy eating meals by myself...I miss my door being opened all day long and the girls just popping in at all hours just to chat {or eat Nutella}...I miss TonyKay texting me to come join her in her apartment for coffee in the mornings...or our late night leader meetings in their cozy home...I miss being greeted by the little people for meals and sitting at a table full of people to share them with. I miss having people to say "buenas dias" and "buenas noches" to...even when I needed to take time to myself and escape to my room...I miss knowing that someone was always there...their footsteps reminded me that I was not alone...I greatly miss our daily worship/discussion times where all you could feel was God's presence embracing you...I REALLY enjoyed our community life in Peru and it is something that I will be more intentional to live out more of here because I KNOW it can be experienced here too! So when asked about my trip...be prepared...honest transparency is all I have to share...my first response has been it was by far the most challenging and shaping journey of my life BUT it was also one of the most rewarding journey's too...just because you say YES to what God asks of you doesn't mean it will be an easy path...in fact it will probably be anything but that...just look at the path that led Christ to the cross...easy??? NO. But since HE walked it for me and for you...He has shown us that no matter what path in life He asks us to walk...He will walk it right beside us...He truly knows every thought and every feeling we face as we walk the journey...He doesn't ask us to do anything that He Himself hasn't already endured. We can endure and know that the journey is worth it. To see the fruit that God produced in each one of our lives on this journey...TOTALLY WORTH IT. He didn't have to reveal that fruit this side of eternity...but HE did...and I truly believe He did because He is GOOD. And His plans are GOOD. Hebrews 12:1-2 ~Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Keeping my eyes on Jesus, ~Amy