Thursday, August 4, 2011

Here Am I...I AM HERE

It's been a REALLY LONG TIME since I've blogged...too long. I enjoy blogging, journaling...logging all God shows me, it's kind of like building a memorial, an altar if you will of God's fingerprints in my life. So tonight, it's time...time to log back onto to my trusty blogspot and change a picture or 2 (since it's been so long) and start taking the time to journal what God's showing me.

I've come to the conclusion that we're all waiting for something. We'd be lying if we said we weren't...waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for a phone call, a diagnosis, an apology, a first date, a check in the mail, a card from an old friend, a hug, a promise, a spouse, a child, a job, a peace of mind...fill in the blank...we're all waiting...which means we're all in the same boat and we can all empathize with each other. What happens while we wait? Do we wait with frustration? with hope? with anger? with faith? with bitterness? with peace? with joy? Do we wait with jealousy? impatiently? or do we wait with our eyes fixed, arms raised high looking to the ONLY One Who holds the answers, Who has the ability to deliver, Who shows up ALWAYS on time?

I'd be lying if I said my time of waiting is always hopeful, full of faith and belief in the God I so dearly love...I'd be lying if I said I always had a smile on my face with a heart full of joy, completely at rest and content in my circumstances...NO WAY! I throw tantrums at God, I get impatient, I cry, I beg, I get on my knees and say "I just don't get it!"...and today in the quietness(?) of blow-drying a client's hair I found myself getting gut-wrenching honest with God...asking if it was ok for me to just pour it all out, and His answer came very quietly..."go ahead, child, I'm listening". How sweet those words were/are to me. Sometimes I feel guilty for talking to God about my measly little life and circumstances, especially when I KNOW first hand that others have it so much worse (not that I by any means have it bad, but we all have "stuff" we struggle with, right?)...it's a lie if I think He doesn't care and doesn't listen to measly little me...I'M HIS CHILD...and no matter how HUGE or how little my circumstances are...HE CARES...HE WANTS me to share...Let's face it...I'm not a parent, but I can't imagine having children and only wanting to listen to the ones who have the HUGE problems...I can only imagine that as a parent, I'd want to know EVERY DETAIL of what my child wants to say to me...finally, FINALLY it clicked for me today that GOD WANTS TO HEAR IT ALL..so pour it out I did. And ya know what? He listened...He didn't judge me, there was no shame or guilt for pouring my heart out...there was no condemning...He didn't say to me, "really? you're coming to me with that (again)?...no, there was none of that...there was only complete transparency, love and peace.

So tonight, sitting at a table, sharing a meal with 2 of my dear friends, catching up on each others lives, it hit me again..the 3 of us are all waiting on God to show up BIG in our lives...there's that word again...we're WAITING...(heavy sigh).

We laughed, talked, giggled and cried together around that table, reminiscing about the memories of the past, reliving the God stories of our lives and looked ahead to the future of what God has in store...I know my heart was encouraged.

Before we left each others presence, we did what we always do, we prayed together in the car. For some reason, I just couldn't pray...but as one of the girls started praying I looked down at my hand and my tattoo on my wrist caught my eye. Seriously, I look at that tattoo every single day, I mean, ya can't miss it...it says "Here Am I"...but in light of the day and all my conversations with God...it was as if it was just HIM an I in that car. To me, the tattoo says what my passion is in life...I share it with people all the time when they ask. It's Isaiah 6:8...Here am I Lord, send me. My passion, my calling in life is to go, to serve, to tell others in foreign fields all about Jesus. But tonight the tattoo means so much more because as my friends were praying and I was looking at it, God said to me...."you read it Here Am I...BUT I read it...I AM HERE." Uh wow, I didn't hear another thing that was being prayed...all I could do is sit there in tears and KNOW that NO MATTER WHAT...the GREAT I AM IS HERE. He is with me, at all times, through seasons of joy, times of transition, valleys, mountaintops...you name it, He's THERE! I can't look at my wrist in the same way anymore...my tattoo is precious to me (that maybe weird for some, but it's ok) now it means so much more...not only is it my reminder to be and remain in a place of constant surrender (Here Am I) it will now be a CONSTANT REMINDER of God's presence in my life (I AM HERE).

One last story...so, I get into my car, my heart so full of HIM and the 1st song on the radio (KLOVE) is "Waiting here for YOU" by Christy Nockels...the words couldn't be more fitting for this day:

If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move
We come with expectation
Waiting here for you, I’m waiting here for you

You’re the Lord of all creation
And still you know my heart
The Author of Salvation
You’ve loved us from the start

CHORUS
Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

You are everything You’ve promised
Your faithfulness is true
And we're desperate for Your presence
All we need is You

I LOVE that last line...
ALL WE NEED IS YOU.

So tonight, I CHOOSE to wait with my hands lifted HIGH IN PRAISE of the ONE I adore!





2 comments:

Carolyn said...

AMAZING... what an amazing story... and I get it... for the first time in my life I know what it's like to wait. I am so glad you shared your story...Praise God for His still small voice that screams so loud as soon as we are still.
Love ya

happeningsofourhome said...

I love you Amy! Love the blog! Love hearing your heart poured out. What a blessing.