I saw Jesus...

I've seen Him in the eyes of the orphan children of Peru...who by "my standards" have absolutely "nothing"...but I am jealous because they possess what I long for...true contagious, unending, real joy...Joy that is not based or found in circumstances or stuff...

I felt His touch of peace in the calmness of a small child who cradled his head in my arms as a doctor was relieving him of pain in his ear...

I felt His presence in the worship of His people in a small church in Peru...in the spontaneous prayers that were offered up out of hearts that were truly surrendered to Him...

I experienced His unconditional love in the brokeness of a sweet elderly Peruvian lady who wanted to stop the church service to pray for the eternal destiny of the soul of a murderer...when everyone else, including me...wanted nothing more than to judge and condemn him....

I saw Him in the Body of His Believers that worked so well together...bringing Him honor and glory as they served as ONE BODY for Him...in Peru

I heard His voice in the midst of anxiety and fear, feelings that my circumstances around me were too much to handle...and He gently whispered to me..."I've got this...you can trust ME."

I saw him in the eyes of a sweet young couple in downtown KC who are homeless...yet still had the courage to smile, accept a warm meal, be grateful for the clothing, neccessities of life that were offered to them...and be so appreciative of a smile, a hug and a prayer...even when they had spent their last night sleeping under a bush.

I heard His laughter in the sweet voice of an older man who also was just wanting someone to sit down and visit as he enjoyed a meal...

I learned about what His contentment looks like when another homeless man was asked what he needed and his reply was..."socks and toilet paper, mam...that's all I need."

I felt His hands touch my cheek as a sweet 1 year old baby girl was clapping my cheeks...laughing...smiling...bringing so much joy to my heart...even when she had no idea...

I know I heard Him sing...as I listened to my sweet little neice sing at the top of her lungs (in a restaurant) "it's me...it's me...it's me O Lord...standing in the need of prayer."

I saw His hands (through the hands of dentists volunteering their time)...bring relief to hundreds of people that couldnt afford dental care...showering them with the love of Christ.

Ive learned that His presence is everywhere...He longs to show Himself to me...to you...He wants to be seen, heard, felt...and known...

I've been challenged to slow down...to embrace stillness...and to look for Him...He's there...He can be found...How will you see Him today?

Who can stand?

I love the show Survivor...one of my favorite challenges is when the have a "stand-off" where the last man/woman standing is the winner. I think of the determination and mental stradegy that that challenges requires. I was reminded of this visual this morning when I was reading in



Proverbs 21:30

No human wisdom or understanding or plan
can stand against the Lord.


I could visualize MY WISDOM, MY UNDERSTANDING, MY PLAN on the stand and God standing on the otherside....there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that MY SELF can outstand God and what HIS WISDOM, HIS UNDERSTANDING, HIS PLAN has for me.
And to think of how I give it my all trying to make all "MY STUFF" makes sense when in my heart I should know that HIS WAY will "outstand" mine every single time.



So....instead of trying to outstand HIM...there's the word SURRENDER again...
I just need to give in to HIS WISDOM, HIS UNDERSTANDING, HIS PLAN...
and know that standing WITH HIM will always be better than standing AGAINST HIM...

...my SURRENDER

...It has been way too long since I have blogged. Today I had some time to just rest and re-group. I went on a really long walk, borrowed my friend's Ipod and this song played randomly...randomly??? Nah! I believe God wanted me to hear this...I needed to hear it!

My Surrender

Does it all sound the same?

Are my words getting through?

I’ve been trying so hard and I’m about to break

So here I am with all I have

And I’m giving it all back to You

All back to You I surrender

Yeah, I’m giving it all back to You

All back to You

This is my surrender

Take it all

And what song can I sing

but the song that You give

I have nothing to bring

that did not come from Your hand

So here I am with all I have

And I’m giving it all back to You

All back to You

I surrender

Yeah, I’m giving it all back to You

All back to You

This is my surrender

All my plans and all my dreams

I’m giving it all to You

I lay it all down at Your feet

I’m Yours

So what song can I sing but this song?

I’m giving it all back to You

All back to You

I surrender

I’m giving it all back to You

All back to You

This is my surrender

Take it all

Take it all

Lord, take it all

Take it all

I love when God gets me all by myself...nothing pressing to do...and says..just be still be in My presence...let me shower over you with words that will bring peace to your heart.

Today was a very stressful day...at work..trees falling on my roommates car...you name it...and I just love that God loves me enough to let me be still in His presence and He loves on me with a love that fills me up. And that love makes me want to respond with this song...God...ITS YOURS...I give it ALL back to YOU...this is My SURRENDER! And then I ask myself..do I really know what the word "surrender" means? Am I really "surrendering"?

dictionary definition:

to yield (something) to the possession or power of another;

deliver up possession of

to give (oneself) up

to give up, abandon, or relinquish

In my life...surrender at times seems so difficult to do....yet the rewards of surrender make life much simpler...so my choice...to give it all up...my plans, my dreams...my ways...its all HIS!

I'm giving it ALL back to YOU ALL back to YOU this is MY SURRENDER!

...you belong to me!

I'm not quite sure why, but it is always in the bathroom that I feel especially near to God. Weird, I know...but true! That time in the morning is God and I time. He speaks so clearly to me....I find myself still in His presence there...no distractions. Some of my greatest life lessons are those mornings in the bathroom!

Thursday morning I had a great morning...great time in the Word, had victory over my lazy flesh that wanted to sleep in...it was awesome! I was in the groove! So, I turned on my music full blast...and I decided to open my door....let the roommates enjoy the music too! Well, my one roommate who is engaged was standing there hugging her fiancee' (who had stopped by to put oil in her car, how sweet...). K, so instantly, my "air was let out of my balloon". I hate it that I have these stupid girlee emotions at times. My heart instantly got sad. My happiness diminished...my thoughts turned from my Jesus to my loneliness...that quickly. I know, pathetic, but this is what happened!

I went back in my room and shut my door...my heart was heavy...my thoughts were..."this sucks, I'm never gonna have someone to hug/hold me...blah, blah, blah!" It was then that I caught the words of the song that was BLARING through my speakers....

sweetest words I had heard all morning....

"I WILL HOLD YOU CAUSE YOU BELONG TO ME, YOU'RE NEVER ALONE 'CAUSE I'LL BE WITH YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY, YOU'RE NEVER ALONE!"

Wow, did I really just hear that? It was like God Himself was singing to me, in my room, kinda like I had my own private concert! The loneliness and sadness turned once again to joy and satisfaction.

I heard it said to me this week that "Whatever you look at is what you will reflect." If you're looking at Jesus, you'll reflect Him! It was as if Christ Himself reached down and put the mirror of myself down and put His hands on my chin and tilted my head back up to look into His precious face. He was saying to me, quit looking at others, quit looking at yourself....LOOK AT ME! I'm here, and I am the One that can fill this void...if you just let me!

I did....it was awesome!

So then, this morning...I was reading a book about Loneliness and one of the sentences stuck out to me that said... Loneliness is the malnutrition of the soul that comes from living on substitutes. WOW! Totally explains those periods of loneliness in my life. I'm tired of "living on substitutes"...I know Who the Real Deal is...I know where to find my complete satisfaction...and I choose the Real over the substitute. Another Awesome lesson!

Here's the rest of the words of that song...that is still ministering to my heart!

Never Alone

by

Mercy Me

It's been one of those days

When everything just feels so far away

Hope don't be a stranger

Won't you help me make it through today?

Then a voice comes calling out to me

You're never alone cause I am with you

And I will always be

I will hold you cause you belong to me

You're never alone cause I'll be with you

For all eternity

Someone tell me how I

Stumble into doubting all the time

Some days I'm all together

And other days I stand here asking why

Then a voice comes calling out to me

You're never alone cause I am with you

And I will always be

I will hold you cause you belong to me

You're never alone cause I'll be with you

For all eternity

Then a voice comes calling out to me

You're never alone cause I am with you

And I will always be

I will hold you cause you belong to me

You're never alone cause I'll be with you

For all eternity

Lord, HELP!

Sunday Night as I was driving home...I found myself lost in prayer...literally. I had so much on my heart that I was trying to get out to God...trying to come up with just the right words so He would know my heart...so He could fix it all and make a way in every situation. I was becoming EXHAUSTED in my praying! I finally stopped and just blurted out...LORD, HELP! His peace instantly came over me...it was as if He was saying..."Finally...that's what I've been waiting for!" It hit me how I was trying to take over His Spirit's role in my life...He already knew all about my circumstances big and small...He already had it figured out...He has already made a way! Wow, how comforting! What I pictured in my mind is a small child trying and trying and trying to tie his own shoe...not getting it done...frustrated...and finally that child asks an adult to help him out...and the adult says..."that's what I've been waiting for!" My lesson I learned that night is that God desires to help me...sure He will let me struggle and try to figure it out on my own...but there is a peace and freedom that comes with SURRENDER! I don't have it all figured out...but I do know that in that moment...My God, MY FATHER bent His ear to listen to me, His child cry out for help...and He did!

Jamaica...

k, so I'm not really sure that many read this, but to those of you who do...I have alot to unload! It has been too long since I have poured my heart out...and there is plenty to pour. My cup has run over and is spilling all over the floor...and continues to grow.





So, My trip to Jamaica was another fulfilling week! Rewarding is the best word I have right now to describe it. It was rewarding to be a part of something bigger than self. To see God's activity in the lives of others and in my own life was huge. To be able to go and serve with a group of Brothers and Sisters in Christ and to see His Spirit moving in their lives was huge! God is so good!





There is way too much to put on here about the whole trip...if you haven't already, you should really check out our blog from the beginning... http://www.teamjamaica09.blogspot.com/ all the stories are there...and there are many more.





How I saw God in my life...my MOST MEMORABLE moment was the day we went to the infirmary, Wednesday. A home for all ages of people with disabilities...and let's just say, it is not anything that one can really describe, it's just something you must see for yourself. I saw and felt God there that day...He is real to me...but I especially felt His presence that day.





Not many may understand what I am about to say...but this is the best I can describe that day...As a single person you long for that companionship in your life, you long for someone to "get you"...to hold you when you need to be held, to hug you and never let go...to hold your hand as if there is no one elses hand to hold...and as one waits for God to bring that person into his/her life...the waiting gets harder and harder especially in a world of instant gratification...as a single person who has chosen to let God pick my man...it gets hard to wait and I desire to have that person...well, that day at the infirmary...God was that for me. He showed me so much about how He longs to fill EVERY desire I have, big or little...He wants me to turn to Him to fill those voids, and that day, He did!





My friend Garfield, the one in the picture with me, got so excited when he saw me. He was a man that I had met last year when I went and I loved just sitting on the sidewalk with him, reading Scripture and just sitting in Jesus' presence with him. This friend cannot talk at all, but let me tell ya, he can smile like no other...he loves Scripture...and somehow, he remembered me, that or he was just really excited that we were all there. I found him in the same place I had left him last year. And he got so excited. He nearly pulls you to the ground and then he took that one arm and just wrapped it around me, almost in a headlock...and there was no letting go! I felt God hugging me through him...pulling me close, saying..."stay here by My side, I will never let you go...you belong to Me!" WOW! I sat there with Garfield for a while...then made my way out of his headlock grip to the back of the infirmary where I found another man laying in his bed, all alone, weak, wasn't even sitting up, no pillow, no sheets just him on the mattress and so I sat down next to him. He immediately grabbed my hand and he would not let it go, he held my hand with both of his and just kept rubbing my fingers with his...again, God's presence...there, holding my hand through this dear man...I was overwhelmed. I began crying and kept repeating the words "You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed....help me know You are near." God showed me that day that He will give me the desires of my heart with an earthly husband, but He wants to be first in what I need...He wants to give it to me first...so that I know that I can be satisfied with Him alone and that I won't place expectations on any man to fill my heart in the way that only God can. It was an incredible experience!



I learned so much on this journey and as God continues to bring things to my mind, I will continue to post...the processing takes a while.
Above all...I got a front row seat of watching God's activity in 28 peoples lives...how cool is that!

...Because of his grace, he declared us righteous...

Titus 3:4-8

But- "When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying, and I want you to insist on these teachings so that all who trust in God will devote themselves to doing good. These teachings are good and beneficial for everyone.

I have been DECLARED righteous! Wow, that is an amazing thought. I have been saved by His mercy and grace and I have been washed clean...my sins are gone! I have been given the Spirit of God so I can walk through this life and know the way I am supposed to go...I have confidence that I have inherited eternal life... I can trust Him! This morning my reading has struck me how simple this Christian walk is. I have been taught these things all my life...I could recite them back to someone at a very young age...it's so simple. And to think that God has declared me righteous...that is amazing....and empowering. Today I choose to walk in that I am forgiven, I am declared righteous...and I know where I am going...and I know Who is waiting there for me...and I TRUST HIM!